How can you disagree with someone more powerful than you?
Have you been in a position where you did not agree with your manager? What did you do? Did you just agree with them because it is easier?
Holly Weeks, the author of Failure to Communicate, identified that the reason why employees do not convey their disagreement is because they fear they will not be liked or that they will lose their job.
But to agree just because it is easy is not the best thing to do. You can still disagree but bear in mind the following:
● The consequences might not be as bad as you think if you disagree. But the consequences might be worse if you remain silent. According to Joseph Grenny, co-author of Crucial Conversation, being fired or turning your boss into an enemy is unlikely to happen. For this reason, carefully weigh the consequences of taking action vs. inaction.
● Make sure that you think things through and don’t act until you are sure of your facts and your basis for disagreeing. It would help if you can talk to others in order to get a clearer perspective. Also, wait for a private moment before communicating your position with your manager.
● Try to tie your position to your manager’s goal so that you will be viewed as someone who wants to advance a shared goal.
● Provide your boss a “psychological safety” and control by asking permission to disagree. In this manner, if they agree, you will feel more confident going forward with your position.
● Yes, your heart will race, your body will get hot and you may communicate your anxiety thru nonverbal cues. Try your best to remain calm. Be confident in your presentation. Remember that by simply slowing the pace and talking in an even tone helps calm the other person down and does the same for you (Joseph Grenny, Crucial Conversation).
● Now that you have been approved to speak up, start by validating the original point and articulate your managers point of view.
● Stick to the facts in driving your position. Don’t use descriptive words as this will add unnecessary color to your presentation.
● After presenting your position, leave the decision to your manager on how they will proceed.
The main points to remember are:
Do:
● Explain that you have a different opinion and ask if you can voice it.
● Restate the original point of view or decision so it’s clear you understand it.
● Speak slowly - talking in an even tone calms you and the other person down.
Don’t:
● Assume that disagreeing is going to damage your relationship or career as the consequences are often less dramatic than we think.
● State your opinion as facts, simply express your point of view and be open to dialogue.
● Use judgment works, such as “hasty,” “Foolish”, or “wrong,” that might upset or incite your counterpart.
It’s scary, it’s exhilarating, it’s a lot of things when you have a point to make but it goes against the grain. The points discussed above will help you navigate on getting your position across with diplomacy.